for her.

im sorry. i know, no matter how many times i apologize, it wont justify nor take back what i did. actually, nothing could ever justify what i did, even if it did get me close to you, but like you said, it was in a bad way. im sorry it altered every aspect of your being and the relationships you pursued. I am sorry.

yes, it wasnt fair for you to cut things off the way you did. you couldve told me all that on the phone when i called you before leaving for the airport. i understand you had to do what you did for yourself, but you couldve just given me that explanation thru a facebook message. i dk why it took you awhile to respond to me.

and yes..you did put yourself out there..i just didnt realize it coz of all the mixed signals i was getting..so im sorry for assuming otherwise.

and yes, ill be leaving for 5 years, but i told you i would be coming back every so often.

i think i told you in march/april/may 2010, id be going back to the states for a whole month...then go back to pi in june.. i mean that's only 3-4 months from now.

this is gonna get confusing, so just stay with me

- back to the states in dec 2010-jan2011 for xmas break...

-go back to the pi in jan 2011 to graduate in march.

-then back to the states again in march 2011-sept 2011 after i graduate nursing and stay in cali till med school starts in sept. 2011.--6 whole months of break.

-back to the pi in sept 2011 to start med school

-even then, id be going back in dec 2011-jan2012..a whole month this time of break, not just two weeks..so that's what, 3 months apart?

-go back to the pi around late january 2012 for 2nd sem

-then going back to the states again in june 2012-sept 2012 till.. 3 WHOLE months for summer break.

-then the cycle starts again

id be back more often and have a longer stay...then my breaks would continue like that until i graduate med school, coz they follow US curriculum...at the most, we wouldve only been apart for 5 months..during the january-june segment..not 5 years..gaah.

fcuuuk.. i had it all planned out..i wanted it to work..i was willing to make time to keep you, god damnit!..sigh

but, there's no point in explaining [even if i just did..haha] or trying to convince. youve made your decision and in turn i have made mine.

once again, i am sorry. and please know that i truly mean it.

take care of yourself.