dunzo

*psh..yeah..it would rain*

listening to 'win' again..i think im blogging about 3x a day now...i mean at least on this one..i have a private one, where the nitty gritty shit is said..but yeah..that's just for me.

hmm..i guess i shall let the hands move where they please:

**reader discretion is advised**

im done with you. i cant believe i put myself out there for you. i threw away my fckn dignity and self respect chasing you..and im not one to do that often..i thought you were worth it, but you pull this shit of not replying at all..suure, it was only 3 days of waiting, but it felt like 3 effin years...i mean...cmon! why? why didnt u just give me an answer? why did u have to drag it on? i ran to a pay phone right before i boarded the plane and called you..you told me to facebook you..i did..and 2 days no reply...ughhh..you put me thru an emotional blender...i was sitting in my seat on the plane..thoughts going back and forth if you were actually gonna give me a reply to whether u wanted to try or not.

my head felt like exploding..the only medication i had was music..and as always, it delivered.

you know? suure, it's long distance, but if two ppl really loved each other, they would still try right? even if it failed at the end? coz that's what ppl in love do..at least i think that's what they do...i was willing to do anything..i was gonna buy a webcam..and talk to her as much as i could..even if it meant i had no social life...trying then failing is better than not trying at all..am i right? or am i right?

but maybe..in the end, she didnt have the same feelings for me..that's why she didnt wanna try it. ill never know...i mean after 4 whole years of not seeing her, i was willing to put myself out there again..willing to make time to make it work.. and i thought she would want to do the same, but i guess ppl change. and ive accepted that.

im done chasing you, im done trying to be important in your life, im done trying to convince you that no one will ever feel the same way about you as i did, im done trying to find reasons for what happened during the holiday season, im done holding out hope that youll still be mine after i gradute med school, im done with making sure that no one will take my heart like you did, im done with you.