ironically resilient and industrious

There are more serious problems in life than financial ones, and I've had a lot of those. I've been broke before, and will be again. Heartbroke? That's serious. Lose a few bucks? That's not. - Willie Nelson

We as humans are very resilient and industrious.  If you look back on how far we've come in terms of technology, medicine, and just thinking, in general, we've come a long way.  We have vaccines for things that killed of many people in the past, we have psychologists that can analyze your thinking, and we have machines that can send us to space.  Unfortunately, we havent been able to come up with some kind of antidote for heart-break.  One of the most fundamental feelings all humans share.  I dont care if youre some kind of hard-knock gangster, some low life punk, or cold person in general.  We've all experienced heart break at some point in our life.

It's funny, the very thing that keeps the blood flowing in your body is also our greatest source of pain.  Yes, i know that the anatomical heart has nothing to do with it, but you do it feel it in your chest, not your head.  For the sake of avoiding an argument, just humor me.

There's a quote i used for one of my reports on stroke at school and it's:  "The brain gives the heart its sight. The heart gives the brain its vision." (Kall)  Im not gonna explain the quote on here, coz that's just gonna take too much time.  Just use that brain of yours and think about it.

I think most of us will agree that we would rather have physical pain, such as having a fever, flu, or other illnesses, than the grief of heart break.  We all know that fevers, flus, etc, can be controlled with medication, but the stress and grief produced by heartbreak can almost make you feel like your body is breaking, like your heart is being pulled out of your chest, and being thrown in the ocean.  and sadly, there's no cure for that.  Wait, actually there is. and that is time.  as much as i hate to say it, time does heal everything.  but if you can relate to what ive said so far, you know time can only put you back together so much.  you either grow to be stronger and wiser, or just cold and indifferent. in some cases, both.

so, what's the source of this heart break i speak of?  okay, well im 22 years old, so by using ur clever deductive skills, you can assume im talking about a former significant other.  it's crazy.  when your with that someone, you think to yourself, "how the hell did go through life without knowing this person??"  and when the break up is nearing, you say "psh, i went through life without knowing you before, so i can do it again."  and when it does happen, you never felt alone like that in your whole life.  the morning calls/texts, the night calls, the wknds where you would just lay there and watch a movie are all part of the past.  a song by one of my all time favorite bands, 3rd eye blind, summed it up pretty well, "and i never felt alone, till i met you...i was alright on my own, till i met you."

its amazing how some songs can relate to you in situations such as this one.  I remember, all i listened to during my break up in 2006 was "daphne loves derby" and "dashboard confessional."  it's a bittersweet feeling because, you realize that youre not the only who has experienced these things, but you also realize how pathetic and miserable you really are.

so anyways, yeah, heart break.  it's healed by time.  but time, like i said time can only put a small bandage over a severe laceration.  ill use myself as an example.  this past dec, [i know some of you know this story, but IF there are any new readers out there, id like to orient them] i met up with my ex girlfriend.  we broke up in 2006 and she was my very first love, and my very first heartbreak.  i was devastated after the break up.  up until that dec date, we hadnt seen each other in 4 years.  and when i saw her on that cold tuesday night, i felt whole again.  i felt like the 4 years of not seeing her hadnt occurred at all.  i felt the connection again....BUT long story short, things didnt work out in the end.  and i was back to square one.  i know there are some contenders out there thatll say, "oh dont worry about it.  there are many other girls.  youll meet girls when u go to med school that are just as ambitious as you..smart, sexy, funny, etc."  yeah..thanks guys..sure. who wouldnt wanna girl like that?  my dream girl would be exactly like that, but as paul from 500 days of summer would say [slightly modified], "this girl is better than the girl of my dreams... She's real."

and now here i am. im still putting myself back together, because there is no antidote. because i am resilient. because through struggle, strength is born.

maybe the reason why there is no antidote for heart break is because we as humans SHOULDNT have one.  as a human being, we must learn to deal with the agonizing pain, grief, and struggle that comes along with it.  we must learn to strive and keep moving forward.  because we are resilient.

will we ever get over that one person? who knows.  im almost there, but who's to say that in 10 years i wont fall for her again.  and if i do and things dont work out, what will i do then?  ill do what i have to do. strive. because i am resilient.

ill end this entry with snippet of one of my favorite songs by third eye blind..again. [stephen jenkins is a genius]

I go home to the coast
It starts to rain I paddle out on the water
Alone
Taste the salt and taste the pain
I'm not thinking of you again
Summer dies and swells rise
The sun goes down in my eyes
See this rolling wave
Darkly coming to take me
Home
And I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive